Same Team

in

When I get frustrated with people, I will start trying to explain why they did what they did or what their motivations are. I do not know their motivations for sure, I do not know what they are thinking for sure, I am not in their head. However, I am trying to assume I can get in their head.

I forget they are very different people than I am. They see the world through a different lens than I do. I forget they have very different life experiences than I do. I start to attribute my made up motives as their actual motives. Over time it goes from me trying to make it ok for them to have done something I dislike to their malicious intent.

The story I start telling myself is they are out to get me and we are not on the same team. I start to set myself against them because of the story in my head. I start to think they are colluding with the system to get rid of me and I forget.

I forget we are on the same team.

We are on the same team.

When I am on the same team as someone else, I am interested in their wellbeing. I have to stop telling myself the unhealthy stories and start having the hard conversations and working together.

Who are you telling stories about in your head? When was the last time you presented them with these stories? How can you work with these people you are frustrated with to get to the bottom of the stories you are telling yourself?

Truthfully,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Organizations

in

I have historically tried to rely on systems and organizations as a safety net and avenue for success in my life.

There is nothing wrong with trusting organizations. But they are not here for my success. They have a limited scope of use and value and I am not at the core of their purpose. My ability to succeed is largely built on my actions and my own ability to make choices in line with my values and priorities.

My ability to make these good choices and succeed is going to be heavily influenced by the people in my life. The social systems and organization I build around myself.

Bringing these people into my life is as much about their success as it is my own. I am not bringing people into my life to only make me better. I am also joining with their social systems and organization to make them a more successful person. More importantly, when I join into their system with their success at the core of my decision making process. They will succeed and I will succeed.

Who’s social structure are you joining? Who are you trying to help succeed? Who are you bringing into your social structure?

Structuring,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Different Cries

in

My son has different cries. One cry is all about needing food. Another cry is telling me he has a loaded diaper. A third cry is his call to be held. And still, another cry is all about him just being fussy and angry for little to no reason at all.

Learning these cries has taken me pretty much his whole life. These cries are all symptoms of the issue they represent. They are probably indistinguishable to other people and sound only like a baby crying. Annoying. And crying.

What I am now considering is how I too have symptoms. When I am hungry, I get grumpy and short tempered. When I am tired, I become frustrated and apathetic. To everyone else, I am unpleasant to be around and a nuisance.

The only difference between my symptoms and his symptoms is about 30.5 years.

The only difference between my symptoms and the symptoms of the people I see around me is understanding. I understand and know my symptoms. I do not know the symptoms of my neighbor, their nuance, and their meanings.

When my symptoms start showing, I need to take a deep breath, pause, and remember how my symptoms can hurt the people around me.

What are your symptoms? Who helps you stay in check? How do your symptoms affect the people around you?

Symptomatically,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Wrestling Elephants

in

When my son is on the verge of falling asleep in the afternoons, he will fight it. He will fight it so hard. He will pull his wubanub (wub) out of his mouth over an over again.

Every time he pulls the wub out of his mouth, he wakes himself up. When he wakes up, he fusses hard core because he is grumpy. He is grumpy because he is tired. We will put the wub back into his mouth and then he will start to doze off and then he will realize he is dozing off and fight it, flail, pull out the wub. Then we start the battle all over again.

The issue is, he needs to sleep.

He.

Needs.

To.

Sleep.

He is wrestling his little elephant and he keeps wrestling it despite the obvious benefits it will bring into his life.

However, how often am I any different? How often do I not do something I desperately need despite my personal preference in the moment? How do I react when my friends try to give me a tool to help me grow? Do I accept it or fight it off?

They are obviously giving me this advice because I need it. Why do I take my time accepting it?

How often do I handicap myself by pushing away what I need because I am grumpy, afraid of the change, or being selfish?

What are you not doing because you are afraid of the change? What crutch are you pulling away because of the change it will bring? Who are the people in your life you trust to give you the tools you need to succeed in the moments you want them least?

Wrestling,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Busy

in

I do not know for sure if this actually came from Eugene Peterson or not. But this Twitter account claims it as his.

No matter where you stand on pace, speed, and to do lists. I think the illusion of busyness is a symptom of a disease. For me, the disease is a lack of self control. When I am, “too busy.” I am actually saying my schedule owns me and I am taking the time to organize and prioritize my tasks. I am letting my time be ruled by external unimportant to do lists and tasks rather than my priorities.

I always have time for my priorities. It is the moment when I let non-priorities take over when I am sick with busyness.

What does busyness look like for you? What does it mean when you are too busy? What are your priorities?

Prioritizing,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Goals

in

During 2016 I tried to focus on three main goals in everything I did. I described these things as Grit, Push, and Vision.

Grit, or sticking with something longer than I wanted to stick with them.

Push, pressing through the barriers and roadblocks I encounter in life.

Vision, developing some sort of direction or goals for myself.

I would probably give myself a 3 out of 5 on these. I tried, did not master anything, but definitely showed up. I am pretty sure I am being generous saying 3 out of 5 at that.

However, I learned from them. Vision brought me a sense of knowing what success would look like. I have no idea what I am trying to accomplish unless I have a vision for what success looks like.

I will not succeed unless I push through the barriers I encounter.

I will never accomplish anything unless I keep following my processes even when I do not feel like it.

It took me writing it out to realize ‘push’ and ‘grit’ are the same thing. I guess I should have written out my vision for what each of those mean. sigh

However, 2017 is a new year.

2017 is a year to actually take ground.

The year I write down what my vision is, define what push means, and really reflect on what a third goal would be if there is one.

Where are you trying to grow? How are you trying to develop yourself? How will you know if you are successful in developing in these areas? Who is going to help you grow in these areas?

Clarifying,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Unmistakeably

in

I hate facing down my mistakes. I recognize that I make mistakes, but I hate facing them. I hate talking about them. I hate looking at them, thinking about them, or event mentioning a specific.

I cannot stand when other people suffer because of my mistakes. I loath the moments when other people have to clean up after me. I almost convulse thinking of the times when people have seen me at my lowest moments.

Being so repulsed by my mistakes has led to me not owning my own mistakes when someone else finds my mistakes or admitting my mistakes before someone else finds them. I try to minimize, explain, and transfer responsibility.

None of which is any good for anyone.

All of it waste my time and the time of others.

I am going to do better at finding and taking full responsibility of my mistakes.

How are you at finding your mistakes? How do you do at taking responsibility for your mistakes?

Unmistakably,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

My Sunday Best

in

I like to think I do my best. Whether I am washing the dishes, tying my shoes, or driving down the road. I am doing my best. But I haven't ever asked myself of what it means to do my best.

Up till now, my best has been showing up and doing whatever it is I am here to do. My best has never involved much preparation. My best has only been what I have at the moment, trying a little bit, then coasting the rest of the way through on whatever I could do in the moment.

Most everything I have done is hardly an example of my best.

My best has been attendance with effort.

My best involves preparation.

My best involves planning.

I have been doing myself and others a complete disservice.

I can do better.

Up till now, I have been doing my best from the perspective I had at the time. Now I have a new perspective and a new responsibility to do my best with my new perspective. Doing my best now requires I am ready to do my best in the moment because I have prepared myself to do better than I have done before.

Like a musician practicing for their great performance, they do not show up on concert day and kill it by accident, it is only because of their hard work and preparation.

What does doing your best look like right now? How can you improve your best? Who can help you improve your best?

Preparing,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Scary Hard

in

Some time ago, I decided I was an excellent second. I mean, who is Robin Hood without Little John? Or Hook without Schmee? How about Jobs without Woz? Maybe even King Arthur without Merlin?

Do any of these people really succeed without their second in commands?

The other day, I was doing dishes recently and realized I was using this as a crutch. I was not having hard conversations because I was a second. I was allowing myself to not take the lead in my own life because I was the second. I was letting the “firsts” push me out of the way.

Not literally.

Literally, I have been thinking of very smart ideas and then saying, “That will never work.”

Or I have been thinking of the right moves to make and disqualifying myself before I even twitch in the right direction.

I am not an arrogant person. When I say, ‘…very smart ideas.’ I mean something like, having my car looked at when it is acting a little weird. A real genius idea…right!?

No sooner than I thought of this idea had I talked myself out of it because it could never work.

I bought into a lie about who I am. I sold myself short because of a mental spasm to a good idea. I canceled my own ability to succeed.

Pretty much the only reason I can come up with for why it is so easy to talk myself out of these ideas is fear.

Fear of failure.

Fear of doing it wrong.

Fear of letting other people down.

Fear of the unknown.

However, whether I am a first, a second, or a ten millionth. No position allows me the right to not do my part, try things I am afraid of doing, and push my own limits.

I think I am very comfortable. I am too comfortable.

How do you sell yourself short? Where are you too comfortable? Where do you stop yourself from doing things you’re afraid of doing?

Uncomfortably,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Another Way

in

Martin Luther King Jr. was a very prolific man. He inspired change without violence or riots. He shaped the face of equality and carried the flag of equality. He did all this without firing a shot.

He is one of the reasons I will never support a message of hate or rioting to cause change in America.

He showed us that despite the need for radical and immense change, it doesn’t take a gun or rocket. It takes the courage to believe in the human beings on the other side of the line from me. It takes me believing they are capable of change, progress, growth, and prosperity in a world where we work together.

A message we need to remember in this political climate.

We are a bunch of people all trying our best to do what we think is right.

How are you doing at treating the people across the line from you as real people trying to do what they think is right? What are you modeling for your friends, children, and coworkers?

Peacefully,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Good Job

in

Telling someone they have done a good job is very encouraging. I like telling people they have done a good job. I like being told I have done a good job. I especially like telling someone they have done a good job after they have done a good job.

At this point in time, I am done telling people they have done a good job. I have recently discovered how pointless it is. It is the emptiest compliment I can give someone after they have done a good job. I need to tell them what makes what their work categorically, ‘good.’

Telling a friend they did a good job after they do me a favor or make me a gift, it is an empty compliment, lost in translation. Whereas, telling them they did a good job because of their timeliness in helping with a project or pointing out how their gift has value to me and showing them they did a good job because of a specific aspect, worth more than I can ever imagine. Worth more to me and others, than I could ever imagine.

I want to bring value to the people around me and telling them how they did a good job or what they did that triggers for me a reaction of ‘good job’ takes way more than just saying good job. It takes the effort of telling them what they did that was a good job.

How do you tell people they have done a good job?

Specifically,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Unexpected Problems

in

Every day has problems. I do not mean this in the negative fatalist view. I mean this in the pragmatic view. Every day has some sort of problem or opposition in it. Whether it is your boss telling you, you did not something the right way or running out of gas on your way to work. Something goes wrong every day.

Now, I do recognize things go right every day too. I do not want to get lost in the negative.

However, I have to plan on things going wrong. I have to plan that I will face opposition. I have to visualize and process failure and shortcomings. I have to do this so I am ready for it. So when things do go wrong, I am not stopped and derailed all of a sudden. I am able to take it on the cheek and move on to the next thing. I am able to own my part of it, correct my mistake, and move forward.

It is only when I do not prepare for something going wrong that I am defeated it. I am slowed down and stopped in my tracks.

The opposite is true when I mentally prepare. When I visualize myself taking the bull by the horns and reacting appropriately, I am so much better. I am so much better at taking a failure or a mistake when I have already processed my reaction and moved forward from the moment. When I preprocess a failure, I process the self doubt, disappointment, and frustration before it ever gets happens and then I it has almost no effect on me when it actually happens.

The next thing I know, my mistake has turned into a success because I was ready to push through it and not let it take me down.

How mentally prepared are you for something going wrong? How do you handle it when life throws you a curveball? What can you do to mentally prepare for a mistake or misstep?

Prepared,

–JT

Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon.

Whole Task

in

When I start something I have a hard time finishing it. For instance, I have a hard time actually putting a post up after I have written it. I get lost or bored or distracted and then I just do not do it. I still agree and like what I have written, but it just does not make it from my computer to the front page.

This is merely a symptom of the overall problem and the lack of followthrough I can have. I have lots of great ideas, but not a lot of follow though.

Lately, I have really been working on my ability to follow through. To actually complete a task. Not to wait, or set it aside, or do part of it now and part of it later. I have been working to do the whole task in the moment I start it. And when I do not have time to do the whole task, I do not start the task.

It is so hard. I had no idea how many things I do part way.

From putting dishes in the sink when they belong in the dishwasher to sending a text or email to someone for lunch. I am finding so many things I have not been completing for no other reason than a lack of discipline and followthrough.

I started focusing my attention on completion sometime mid December and I quickly recognized I was sorely lacking this skill in so many areas of my personal life.

How do you do with bringing things to completion every time? How do you do with completing things in a timely manner? Where are some areas you lacking as a completionist?

Completing,

–JT

Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon.

Perpetual Learner

in

I am regularly called upon as a defacto tech support guy for family and a few friends. A role I fill with honor and pride as most often I am fixing problems or answering experience based questions, two things I enjoy doing at my core.

When helping I often surprise myself and others with how much I can do. How quickly I am willing to dive knee deep into the issue and start sorting it out. I do not shy away from getting into the nitty gritty of the issue and start boiling it down to the core issue. Usually when presented with the opportunity I am able to research and finagle my way around the information-super-highway with ease until I have the complete issue brought to a close.

My ability to lean into the issue is what makes me most enjoy the process. I am not intimidated by the little computer or the software making it run. I trust myself to figure out how to fix any issue I create while trying to fix the problem at hand.

I never shy away from helping with tech support.

I regularly shy away from other sorts of skilled work. Skilled work like carpentry, pottery, and gardening.

I know these are skills I could have, but I have no interest in them. I have no drive or fire to figure them out. I have effectively stuck my head in the sand in regards to these skills. I do not want to have them because so little of my life needs them. Plus, once I dig into these skills, they require so many tools that are effectively single use tools I cannot see myself using for any other purpose.

I am ashamed to say it but for many skills and crafts, I have effectively stuck my head in the sand and I do not care to learn any more about them. I am happy to stay as ignorant now as I was before. There is a healthy medium place between where I am and a master carpenter. But for now I am as unskilled as the plank I am not holding.

Where are you sticking your head in the sand? What area could you be more knowledgeable or skilled? Who can teach you more about this area?

Learning,

–JT

Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon.

Minimal Perspective

in

Pretty regularly we load up our little boy and take him on an excursion to run errands or eat dinner out. We get him into a fresh diaper, change his clothes to so he is warm and bundled up, pack the diaper bag, and then we strap him into his seat.

We put him in his car seat, all nice and snug, and put the Milk Snob over the car seat as a protector from the wind, the rain, and away we go.

But today when I loaded him up, I looked down and realized this car seat and milk snob view port are practically teleportation devices for him. Every time he goes anywhere, he is loaded into this little unit, plugged into the carseat base, and away we go on an excursion and the next thing he knows we have arrived at our destination. Whether it is a 5 min drive or 45 min drive. He doesn’t see or comprehend there is much in between or if there are other ways of traveling. He only knows this carseat teleports him somewhere new.

How often do I do the same thing? How often do I miss the larger perspective in my life where I am accompanied by ritual and routine. I only have my small portion of perspective into the situation. Whether I am frustrated by the process for how TSA works, disappointed by the way my democracy functions, or angered by the amount of taxes I have to pay. I cannot forget how little of the picture I really see.

Where are you losing perspective? Where do you see much less of the picture than you should based on your reaction? Do you know enough about the system to be upset about it? How can you learn more where your perspective falls short?

Viewing,

–JT

Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon.

Desert of Experiences

in

When I look at successful people, I just get plain overwhelmed sometimes. I see all the ways they shine and just cannot even fathom getting to their station or place in life. Whether it is how many years they have worked for a particular company, the size and success of the company they lead, the number of people they lead, or quite simply the quality of their lives.

I get lost in all the details of how well they have done for themselves and how they are in such a good spot. Like an inexperienced traveler on foot overlooking the Sahara Desert. I cannot comprehend how I could ever do the same thing.

I look at this Sahara desert and forget the desert is made up of grains of sand.

I forget that each grain of sand came from somewhere.

They were not born as the Sahara Desert.

It was a lifetime each little grain of sand being chipped away from stones that made them into the mighty desert they became. I forget my own life will not be born into the Sahara overnight. It will only be through the passage of time wearing away each grain of experience into the desert of my own life that I will ever be anything like the people I admire and respect.

Grainy,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Smooth Rocks

in

Whenever I go to any body of water. My favorite rocks are the perfectly smooth ones. They ones with no jagged edges or sharp corners. The ones that are especially good for skipping. The rocks that look like they might be an alien spaceship because they are so smooth and seamless.

My least favorite rocks are the sharp jagged rocks. The pointy ones. The ones that cut at my feet when I walk on them. They are sharp when I pick them up. They are not good for skipping usually. And they look like evil alien spaceship here to destroy us or an astroid on its way to crash into earth.

The biggest difference between these two rocks is sand. The smooth stone was once the rough ugly stone. It was a busted up angular foot killer. I was only with the passage of much water that the foot killer became the perfect skipping stone. There were no shortcuts. There was only a lot of water.

The water flowed over the stone.

Grain by grain, the stone became smooth.

There were no rock gnomes smoothing them one by one.

Only the water.

The persistent water smoothed the stone.

Where are you trying to shortcut the process instead of being patient? Where are the jagged rocks in your life? When are you giving up on the jagged rock instead of celebrating each grain of sand? Who are the smooth stones in your life? Have you told them recently?

Jagged,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Manning Inc.

in

I am assessing my board of directors. The people who are guiding and developing me. The people who are helping me be a better me. The people who are my friends, neighbors, and mentors. The people who shape me.

I’m not assessing them for their quality. I am assessing them for my qualities. I am assessing who I am by looking at the people around me. There are adages about being the “sum” of the people around us or attracting people who are like us. No matter where you fall on these maxims, I know I am influenced by the people around me.

I like these people.

I am like these people.

I want to understand how this affects me and who I am.

I want to know how I am affecting them and who they are.

Who is on your board of directors? What ways are these people influencing you? How are you affecting these people?

Warm Regards,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Thought Life

in

I am an internal processor. I spend quite a bit of time alone with my thoughts trying to make sense of the world, listening to podcasts, reading little articles, and watching the world around me.

One of the unhealthy ways I process is by having conversations with people in my head. Whether it is reliving recent conversations and thinking of other things I should have said or having totally new fictional conversations with someone and totally taking them to task (of course I ‘win’ the conversation, I am in my head.)

I have done this as far back as I can remember. However I recently realized how unhealthy it is. I recently realized how bad it is for me and how much time I have lost just sitting spinning in circles in my head talking over and over. Running through conversations what would have no positive effect on the situation. Ultimately, these conversations only succeed in getting me worked up and mad about the same thing all over again. Then I am in a grumpy mood for little to no reason at all.

The worst of it, I am also missing out on whatever is going on around me. I am so deep inside my head I cannot even see what is going on in front of my face. I am missing out on the life around me because of the bits taking over my mind.

What is an unhealthy way you process your frustrations? How can you process your frustrations in a healthier way? Who can you talk to about your frustrations to help you get past the unhealthy bits?

Thinking,

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon

Getting Gremlins Wet

in

I was cruising Twitter recently and I saw one of the “internet famous” people I follow make a comment to someone else to “F… off”. This, being someone I respect, I looked into the conversation. Knowing some of the details and life experiences of the famous person. I understood why they felt the way they did. However, I was deeply saddened to see what they had done.

I was sad to see them treat someone else like this online.

I was also saddened because he “poured water on his gremlin.”

They amplified the message of the gremlin who was attacking their point of view and their stance. Any time we interact with people who are bringing a contrary drive-by commentary from the other side of a keyboard. We are “getting our gremlins wet.”

[If you are not familiar with the movie, you might consider seeing it (IMDB | Wikipedia); in short, when you get a gremlin wet, it spawns other gremlins.]

When we reply to our gremlins, we are inciting other people to interact with the message of our gremlin. We are inviting other people to see what they are saying. Especially when it is not a message we endorse, we are amplifying their message. When we interact with them, we are making them stronger.

Truly, gremlins have one goal.

Yell louder.

When we interact with them, we amplify their message.

When someone presents a contrary message to what you are presenting, you feel like you just absolutely HAVE to respond, and you are worried they are a gremlin, offer them the opportunity to take the conversation private. Taking the conversation private offers a safe place to have a healthy conversation. Gremlins do not take you up on this offer and they think they can change your opinion 140 characters at a time.

A constructive human being will take you up on your offer to take the conversation private because they generally care about you and want to have a productive dialogue on the topic.

How do you respond when someone attacks you on Facebook? How do you treat people who post about controversial topics online? Are you trying to change people’s opinions and beliefs with strongly worded posts and comments social media?

Staying Dry

–JT

Love the post? Please share it on Facebook or support me on Patreon