Acting Out

Children react to things that they do not want to do with a pretty standard reaction. They push back on reasonable requests. Say no. Throw a fit. Or just plain ignore you and do what they want to do.

As they mature we help them see healthy ways to have these conversations. We help them see when they should do things they do not want to do. We help them convey their emotion in a healthy way. They start to develop their own ability to process their thoughts and feelings and convey them in a socially acceptable way.

Through the process, they become more mellow.

Their behavior changes when their parents call them out on unacceptable behavior.

How are you acting like a child (saying no, throwing a tantrum, ignoring requests)? How are you acting like a parent (calling others out when they act in unreasonable ways)?

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Wrestling Elephants

When my son is on the verge of falling asleep in the afternoons, he will fight it. He will fight it so hard. He will pull his wubanub (wub) out of his mouth over an over again.

Every time he pulls the wub out of his mouth, he wakes himself up. When he wakes up, he fusses hard core because he is grumpy. He is grumpy because he is tired. We will put the wub back into his mouth and then he will start to doze off and then he will realize he is dozing off and fight it, flail, pull out the wub. Then we start the battle all over again.

The issue is, he needs to sleep.

He.

Needs.

To.

Sleep.

He is wrestling his little elephant and he keeps wrestling it despite the obvious benefits it will bring into his life.

However, how often am I any different? How often do I not do something I desperately need despite my personal preference in the moment? How do I react when my friends try to give me a tool to help me grow? Do I accept it or fight it off?

They are obviously giving me this advice because I need it. Why do I take my time accepting it?

How often do I handicap myself by pushing away what I need because I am grumpy, afraid of the change, or being selfish?

What are you not doing because you are afraid of the change? What crutch are you pulling away because of the change it will bring? Who are the people in your life you trust to give you the tools you need to succeed in the moments you want them least?

Wrestling,

–JT

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TEAM

Team. There is no I in team, but there is a t-e-a-m. As if we’ve always overlooked what team can offer versus what it should not be. Team cannot consist of one person working for their own best. But it should consist of a group of people willing to be committed to a common goal. A team does need trust. We need to be able to rely on one another and after we ask each other for help or to get something done, we need to be able to know it will happen and not have to check, double check, and triple check whether or not it will happen.

A team needs to have a common definition of excellence. What does it look like to succeed? What does the goal look like and where will we not make any sacrifices or compromises? We are working together. We are committed not only to the success of each other but also the success of our collective whole. A team knows what a win looks like and what excellence looks like within the win.

A team should also hold each other accountable. When someone on the team is not measuring up, we call it out and help them see how they can do it better for the sake of the team. It is not a personal attack, it is a minor course correction for a ship or making sure the nuts and bolts are tightened all the way. Accountability is also a celebration of success. It is a calling out of places where a team member and the team have been able to step out and succeed in ordinary and extraordinary circumstances. Being able to have accountability on the team makes excellence that much better and encourages the trust to continue.

Finally, a team needs members. Not warm bodies. Members. People who are sold out and committed to the team. People who are willing to take a hit every once in a while so the team can win. People who are taken care of by the other members when life has them down. Members of a team are sold out and are willing to sign up to be trustworthy. They agree with the common goal of excellence for the team, and they are willing to subject themselves to the accountability of the team and hold others to the standard of excellence the team has agreed to uphold.

Team is much more than a fun word not containing the letter, ‘i’. Team is built on trust, excellence, accountability, and members. T.E.A.M. There is much more to be said on these four elements and these four elements and far more to be said of what makes a team. These are, by far, not even the tip of the iceberg in reference to teams and teamwork. But these are the four elements I have and continue to experience and therefore these are four elements I can account for the value of them.

What team are you on? Which element do you struggle with maintaining? Do you have a clear picture of what excellence looks like for your team? Do you struggle with holding other people accountable (both positive and negative)? Can you trust your teammates? Do they know you trust them? Is someone on your team not a fully committed member? Is it time to help them find a new place to be a member or show them what it means to escalate their commitment and investment to the team as a fully fledged member?

Teammate,

–JT

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