Scary Hard

Some time ago, I decided I was an excellent second. I mean, who is Robin Hood without Little John? Or Hook without Schmee? How about Jobs without Woz? Maybe even King Arthur without Merlin?

Do any of these people really succeed without their second in commands?

The other day, I was doing dishes recently and realized I was using this as a crutch. I was not having hard conversations because I was a second. I was allowing myself to not take the lead in my own life because I was the second. I was letting the “firsts” push me out of the way.

Not literally.

Literally, I have been thinking of very smart ideas and then saying, “That will never work.”

Or I have been thinking of the right moves to make and disqualifying myself before I even twitch in the right direction.

I am not an arrogant person. When I say, ‘…very smart ideas.’ I mean something like, having my car looked at when it is acting a little weird. A real genius idea…right!?

No sooner than I thought of this idea had I talked myself out of it because it could never work.

I bought into a lie about who I am. I sold myself short because of a mental spasm to a good idea. I canceled my own ability to succeed.

Pretty much the only reason I can come up with for why it is so easy to talk myself out of these ideas is fear.

Fear of failure.

Fear of doing it wrong.

Fear of letting other people down.

Fear of the unknown.

However, whether I am a first, a second, or a ten millionth. No position allows me the right to not do my part, try things I am afraid of doing, and push my own limits.

I think I am very comfortable. I am too comfortable.

How do you sell yourself short? Where are you too comfortable? Where do you stop yourself from doing things you’re afraid of doing?

Uncomfortably,

–JT

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Circumstantial Disabilities

I was recently helping a friend with a project and noticed how he talked about a circumstance in his life. He talked about his circumstances as if there is no way he could overcome them. He was trapped and saw no way out. I started thinking about my own life and how I can often feel trapped, especially when I am not trapped at all.

I started thinking about opportunity and future. I started to reflect on what I can do to get out of the harder circumstances I have, not to say they are significant on an absolute scale. In the midst of the conversation, the key phrase in my mind, the one thing really sticking with me, was:

My circumstances are not a disability.

I have been found waiting for a miracle at times to cure my circumstances. I knew immediately how insane I was. I shared my realization with my friend and he accepted it and the midst of the conversation and continued the conversation onward.

However, even now the statement sticks with me. My circumstances do not control me. I can change them. I can get out of bad circumstances. My circumstances can also upgrade or degrade based on my decisions.

What circumstances are holding you back? Where do you need to make better decisions to improve your circumstances? Who is going to help you make these better decisions?

Enabled not disabled,

–JT

Afraid of the Dark

A great leader once said, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” These words may or may not be completely true. But I do believe there is power in fear. It is paralyzing. Fear makes me anxious. Fear makes me not want to do things because the possibility of failure. Sometimes I have even been fearful at the thought of succeeding. Either way, fear still lingers. 

Lately, I have been in many situations where I find myself afraid of what is coming. I am afraid to step up. Afraid to do something new. Afraid to fill shoes bigger than my old shoes. Generally, fearful of what is going on. The crazy part about being so afraid and fearful of what I am doing is,

I have been loving it and hating it at the same time.

I have been doing new things, trying new things, and getting out of my comfort zone and it has been going well. I have been reminded of a truth I once new. If I’m not doing something I am afraid of, I am probably not growing. This phrase is true, not universally true, but it is truth for me  and healthy for now. There are rare times or seasons where I am maybe not doing anything new but there is still some fear in me. 

The core still remains, doing new things often comes with a fair amount of fear. It is good for me to do things I’m afraid of. 

I think I am growing and succeeding because I am facing down my fears. 

The biggest fear I have been facing is my fear of failure. A fear I now call, a fear of learning.

Where is fear keeping you from taking a step out? Where are you letting fear rule you?

Fearfully,

–JT

Second Amendment

This is the second amendment to my life, not the second amendment of the constitution. Go bear arms or don’t go bear arms. The choice is yours.

I am a little at a loss, as to what to share. I had a great talk with my counselor. He is a great guy with whom I think I click. I am glad to get to meet with him. Talking with him is great because the more we talk the more I find out that we have similarities. He also has extra insight into me because we can track each other and follow where we are at. This las week we brought out that I am afraid.

I find information, gain information, analyze information, and make decisions based on this information. This is a freeing revelation as I felt bound by the idea that I might be more inclined towards another bent. I felt restricted to be put into a different box besides this one. There are more dimensions to my personality than this one bent. However, I believe based on our conversation that this is a heavier emphasis than I thought it was. The point where fear plays into this is, I make decisions based on my fear. I overanalyze to avoid my worst fears.

Fear of failure.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of pain.

Fear.

FEAR.

FEAR!

My fear is knocking me off course. I substitute my fear for faith. I use my fear to fuel my ability to analyze and dissect my life so that I can control the outcome. I am still at a point where I am leaving the implications of what it means to use my faith to fuel my analytics up for discussion as I do not have a solid grasp as to what this means. I am open to interpretation and commentary. However, I will be investigating this more. 

What is knocking you off course? Fear? Anger? Sadness?

Faithfully,

–JT