When I get frustrated with people, I will start trying to explain why they did what they did or what their motivations are. I do not know their motivations for sure, I do not know what they are thinking for sure, I am not in their head. However, I am trying to assume I can get in their head.

I forget they are very different people than I am. They see the world through a different lens than I do. I forget they have very different life experiences than I do. I start to attribute my made up motives as their actual motives. Over time it goes from me trying to make it ok for them to have done something I dislike to their malicious intent.

The story I start telling myself is they are out to get me and we are not on the same team. I start to set myself against them because of the story in my head. I start to think they are colluding with the system to get rid of me and I forget.

I forget we are on the same team.

We are on the same team.

When I am on the same team as someone else, I am interested in their wellbeing. I have to stop telling myself the unhealthy stories and start having the hard conversations and working together.

Who are you telling stories about in your head? When was the last time you presented them with these stories? How can you work with these people you are frustrated with to get to the bottom of the stories you are telling yourself?

Truthfully,

–JT

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