Shred of Truth

I tell myself stories all the time. I tell myself stories about to explain companies doing well, explain other people, to explain my reactions, and to explain everything. Many of these stories start with a shred of evidence. I use this shred to dig deeper, find more information, fact find, and fill in the gaps. There are on occasion times I tell myself stories and they are not as filled in as they should be. They might start with a sideways glance, a loaded comment, or an unassuming joke. 

One of these sorts of minor happenings then become my shred of truth. I then use this shred of truth to develop an entire world around this shred of truth. It becomes the lens through which all other truth is filtered. It even tends to create some new truths of its own. The issue being, a shred of truth does not create new truth. 

A shred of truth cannot create new truth.

A shred of truth is not a lens through which I should be filtering life. 

A shred of truth is evidence.

A shred of truth needs other truths to tell a story.

When I use a shred of truth to tell a story, I create a lie. When I use a long series of truths to tell a story, the truth tells the truth. Far too often I sucker myself into telling a story based on a shred. I get too caught up into synthesizing a story to go along with the shred of truth I find. I spend more energy trying to tell a story of lies, than I do finding and listening to the truths.

How often do you stop trying to write the wrong story and instead read the truths of the true story? How are you doing at finding the truth? What story are you telling yourself right now about someone else?

Truth listening,

–JT

Promises

Growing up I received many promises. Promises to go do things, promises of riches, and promises of the future. My dad made many promises to me. He told me many different things of what he was going going to do for me or what we were going to do. 

The promises which never came true are the promises I remember most. My dad always had a ship about to come in with a wealth of money on it. He had bright ideas and ambitions. Many of which never came to fruition. He worked hard. He never slacked off. It was never his work ethic leaving him without. It was simply his ability to make promises he would never keep and dreams he never set as goals.

I find myself making these same promises. Not promises about wealth or success. Promises about the right thing to do. Promises including words such as, “I will do that.” or “I will take care of that next week.” or “I will talk to them next time I see them.” These promises are right. They are the promises I should be making. These are the promises I need to be making. However, not all of these promises lead to action. 

Not all of these promises am I writing on my calendar. 

Not all of these promises am I championing. 

Some of these promises I’m even making with the thought, “I have no idea how or if I’ll do this.” But, I still make these promises. Making these promises may not be the same as trying to be your family’s savior or hero, like my father tried. However, making these promises knowing I will never follow up on them is not healthy for me or for the people I am making promises to. If I do not have the ability or wherewithal to follow through on my word; then, I need to not make these promises. I need to say, “No, I cannot do this.” or “I cannot give you my word I can do this. I do not have the ability to do it right now.”

Fortunately, right now I am breaking promises to people and nothing of value hangs in the balance. In a few degrees, I will be breaking promises to people and things and I will not be able to pay the bill for damage I have done. I have to break the cycle now. 

What cycle do you need to break? What promise do you need to keep?

I Promise,

–JT

Conflict

I have, previously, never dealt with conflict well. I would get hurt. Emotional. And finish it all with a nice dose of justified anger, I highly doubt those two words actually ever go together. Since I have had time to reflect and analyze this cycle inside myself, I have been able to see it. I have been able to sift it, and I have been able to realize and catch these triggers before they can hurt other people. 

I have been intrigued by this cycle I have. Most of the time I am a peaceful person when it comes to being hurt. However, I am peaceful because I came to learn that I take on the victim's mentality. The mentality that says, "Everyone is going to hurt me and I just need to buck up and take it like a man." Unfortunately, I do not have a clear picture of what it means to take it like a man. What it means to deal with inner anger, madness, and sadness well. I have movies where there is an archetype I relate to. I have fictional books where I can see a relatable character I cling to. I do not have a real life, clear as day, human being I have been able to see walk through this well (that I know of.) 

These facts are not a cause an effect. These are two tandem realities that work together to cause issues. The connecting cord between these ideas is whether or not we talk about it as we walk through situations where we are upset. Whether or not we share how we are actually doing. Whether or not we are willing to share our lives with people around us (not to say we have to share our story with all people, healthy and unhealthy). 

Sharing our story is past tense to telling the story I lived last week, last month, last year, or last decade. 

Sharing my story is also present tense in telling the story I am living today.

Who are you sharing your present tense story with? Who are you sharing your past tense story with?

All Things to All People

Last post I talked about my natural skill of analyzation and how I am working to not substitute my ability to analyze for being faithful. However, it is so dang hard not to try and help everyone through analyzing. I want to analyze everything. Collect all the information, make decisions, help others make decisions, and be right about all of it. It is so hard to stop myself. I just get so much joy from it all. 

It makes sense to do something I get energy and joy from. I have a hard time keeping it to a tame level. Staying out of business I don’t belong in. Though, I have to remember how I got to where I was. I did not land there by actively making decisions from an unhealthy motive. I was making unhealthy decisions about myself and others because of a long series of unhealthy decisions I made.

The irony, I landed in an unhealthy place because I made too many unhealthy decisions originally based on healthy motives.

I made the decision, the minute assumption, my ability to analyze was necessary for all people to use. Not only my ability to analyze; but, me analyzing. I with a capital E-Y-E, — I — decided, — I — had to analyze for everyone else and fill in all the gaps. For the good of everyone else — I — took on more than I should have and buried myself in tasks and details which were unhealthy for me to be buried in.

Now I am in a place where I see my mistake, misaligned assumption. I see the lie I bought into. I am making moves to not be buried in those details and bonded to this lie. 

What small lie are you buying into?

In Truth,

–JT