In My Head

In my head, I compare myself to other people.

I compare myself to people, and I tell myself they are more fit and athletic than I am.

I compare myself to people, and I tell myself they are smarter than I am.

I compare myself to people, and I tell myself they are more successful than I am.

I compare myself to people, and I tell myself a lie. I tell myself an assumption.

A fictional story about who they are, how they got where they are, and why they are better than I am.

What stories are you telling yourself?

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Today

One day I will go back to Israel. One day I will go back to Ireland. One day there will be a cure for cancer. One day I will replace my old tired Subaru. 

The issue with 'one day' is it never comes in time. Often times 'one day' never comes at all. 'One day' will even be a myth at times. It has not timeline. ‘one day’ is truly giving up on the present. ‘One day’ insinuates today is not enough. It insinuates tomorrow will have something I do not currently have. It insinuates I am waiting for something outside of my control. 'One day' meanssomething is coming I need, and I cannot continue forward without it.

‘One day’ abdicates my responsibility for today. 

‘One day’ is an excuse.

‘One day’ is a lie…a lie I tell myself.

How often do you tell yourself this lie? What other lies do you tell yourself?

Today,

–JT

All Things to All People

Last post I talked about my natural skill of analyzation and how I am working to not substitute my ability to analyze for being faithful. However, it is so dang hard not to try and help everyone through analyzing. I want to analyze everything. Collect all the information, make decisions, help others make decisions, and be right about all of it. It is so hard to stop myself. I just get so much joy from it all. 

It makes sense to do something I get energy and joy from. I have a hard time keeping it to a tame level. Staying out of business I don’t belong in. Though, I have to remember how I got to where I was. I did not land there by actively making decisions from an unhealthy motive. I was making unhealthy decisions about myself and others because of a long series of unhealthy decisions I made.

The irony, I landed in an unhealthy place because I made too many unhealthy decisions originally based on healthy motives.

I made the decision, the minute assumption, my ability to analyze was necessary for all people to use. Not only my ability to analyze; but, me analyzing. I with a capital E-Y-E, — I — decided, — I — had to analyze for everyone else and fill in all the gaps. For the good of everyone else — I — took on more than I should have and buried myself in tasks and details which were unhealthy for me to be buried in.

Now I am in a place where I see my mistake, misaligned assumption. I see the lie I bought into. I am making moves to not be buried in those details and bonded to this lie. 

What small lie are you buying into?

In Truth,

–JT