Good Job

Telling someone they have done a good job is very encouraging. I like telling people they have done a good job. I like being told I have done a good job. I especially like telling someone they have done a good job after they have done a good job.

At this point in time, I am done telling people they have done a good job. I have recently discovered how pointless it is. It is the emptiest compliment I can give someone after they have done a good job. I need to tell them what makes what their work categorically, ‘good.’

Telling a friend they did a good job after they do me a favor or make me a gift, it is an empty compliment, lost in translation. Whereas, telling them they did a good job because of their timeliness in helping with a project or pointing out how their gift has value to me and showing them they did a good job because of a specific aspect, worth more than I can ever imagine. Worth more to me and others, than I could ever imagine.

I want to bring value to the people around me and telling them how they did a good job or what they did that triggers for me a reaction of ‘good job’ takes way more than just saying good job. It takes the effort of telling them what they did that was a good job.

How do you tell people they have done a good job?

Specifically,

–JT

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Unexpected Problems

Every day has problems. I do not mean this in the negative fatalist view. I mean this in the pragmatic view. Every day has some sort of problem or opposition in it. Whether it is your boss telling you, you did not something the right way or running out of gas on your way to work. Something goes wrong every day.

Now, I do recognize things go right every day too. I do not want to get lost in the negative.

However, I have to plan on things going wrong. I have to plan that I will face opposition. I have to visualize and process failure and shortcomings. I have to do this so I am ready for it. So when things do go wrong, I am not stopped and derailed all of a sudden. I am able to take it on the cheek and move on to the next thing. I am able to own my part of it, correct my mistake, and move forward.

It is only when I do not prepare for something going wrong that I am defeated it. I am slowed down and stopped in my tracks.

The opposite is true when I mentally prepare. When I visualize myself taking the bull by the horns and reacting appropriately, I am so much better. I am so much better at taking a failure or a mistake when I have already processed my reaction and moved forward from the moment. When I preprocess a failure, I process the self doubt, disappointment, and frustration before it ever gets happens and then I it has almost no effect on me when it actually happens.

The next thing I know, my mistake has turned into a success because I was ready to push through it and not let it take me down.

How mentally prepared are you for something going wrong? How do you handle it when life throws you a curveball? What can you do to mentally prepare for a mistake or misstep?

Prepared,

–JT

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Whole Task

When I start something I have a hard time finishing it. For instance, I have a hard time actually putting a post up after I have written it. I get lost or bored or distracted and then I just do not do it. I still agree and like what I have written, but it just does not make it from my computer to the front page.

This is merely a symptom of the overall problem and the lack of followthrough I can have. I have lots of great ideas, but not a lot of follow though.

Lately, I have really been working on my ability to follow through. To actually complete a task. Not to wait, or set it aside, or do part of it now and part of it later. I have been working to do the whole task in the moment I start it. And when I do not have time to do the whole task, I do not start the task.

It is so hard. I had no idea how many things I do part way.

From putting dishes in the sink when they belong in the dishwasher to sending a text or email to someone for lunch. I am finding so many things I have not been completing for no other reason than a lack of discipline and followthrough.

I started focusing my attention on completion sometime mid December and I quickly recognized I was sorely lacking this skill in so many areas of my personal life.

How do you do with bringing things to completion every time? How do you do with completing things in a timely manner? Where are some areas you lacking as a completionist?

Completing,

–JT

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Perpetual Learner

I am regularly called upon as a defacto tech support guy for family and a few friends. A role I fill with honor and pride as most often I am fixing problems or answering experience based questions, two things I enjoy doing at my core.

When helping I often surprise myself and others with how much I can do. How quickly I am willing to dive knee deep into the issue and start sorting it out. I do not shy away from getting into the nitty gritty of the issue and start boiling it down to the core issue. Usually when presented with the opportunity I am able to research and finagle my way around the information-super-highway with ease until I have the complete issue brought to a close.

My ability to lean into the issue is what makes me most enjoy the process. I am not intimidated by the little computer or the software making it run. I trust myself to figure out how to fix any issue I create while trying to fix the problem at hand.

I never shy away from helping with tech support.

I regularly shy away from other sorts of skilled work. Skilled work like carpentry, pottery, and gardening.

I know these are skills I could have, but I have no interest in them. I have no drive or fire to figure them out. I have effectively stuck my head in the sand in regards to these skills. I do not want to have them because so little of my life needs them. Plus, once I dig into these skills, they require so many tools that are effectively single use tools I cannot see myself using for any other purpose.

I am ashamed to say it but for many skills and crafts, I have effectively stuck my head in the sand and I do not care to learn any more about them. I am happy to stay as ignorant now as I was before. There is a healthy medium place between where I am and a master carpenter. But for now I am as unskilled as the plank I am not holding.

Where are you sticking your head in the sand? What area could you be more knowledgeable or skilled? Who can teach you more about this area?

Learning,

–JT

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Minimal Perspective

Pretty regularly we load up our little boy and take him on an excursion to run errands or eat dinner out. We get him into a fresh diaper, change his clothes to so he is warm and bundled up, pack the diaper bag, and then we strap him into his seat.

We put him in his car seat, all nice and snug, and put the Milk Snob over the car seat as a protector from the wind, the rain, and away we go.

But today when I loaded him up, I looked down and realized this car seat and milk snob view port are practically teleportation devices for him. Every time he goes anywhere, he is loaded into this little unit, plugged into the carseat base, and away we go on an excursion and the next thing he knows we have arrived at our destination. Whether it is a 5 min drive or 45 min drive. He doesn’t see or comprehend there is much in between or if there are other ways of traveling. He only knows this carseat teleports him somewhere new.

How often do I do the same thing? How often do I miss the larger perspective in my life where I am accompanied by ritual and routine. I only have my small portion of perspective into the situation. Whether I am frustrated by the process for how TSA works, disappointed by the way my democracy functions, or angered by the amount of taxes I have to pay. I cannot forget how little of the picture I really see.

Where are you losing perspective? Where do you see much less of the picture than you should based on your reaction? Do you know enough about the system to be upset about it? How can you learn more where your perspective falls short?

Viewing,

–JT

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Desert of Experiences

When I look at successful people, I just get plain overwhelmed sometimes. I see all the ways they shine and just cannot even fathom getting to their station or place in life. Whether it is how many years they have worked for a particular company, the size and success of the company they lead, the number of people they lead, or quite simply the quality of their lives.

I get lost in all the details of how well they have done for themselves and how they are in such a good spot. Like an inexperienced traveler on foot overlooking the Sahara Desert. I cannot comprehend how I could ever do the same thing.

I look at this Sahara desert and forget the desert is made up of grains of sand.

I forget that each grain of sand came from somewhere.

They were not born as the Sahara Desert.

It was a lifetime each little grain of sand being chipped away from stones that made them into the mighty desert they became. I forget my own life will not be born into the Sahara overnight. It will only be through the passage of time wearing away each grain of experience into the desert of my own life that I will ever be anything like the people I admire and respect.

Grainy,

–JT

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Smooth Rocks

Whenever I go to any body of water. My favorite rocks are the perfectly smooth ones. They ones with no jagged edges or sharp corners. The ones that are especially good for skipping. The rocks that look like they might be an alien spaceship because they are so smooth and seamless.

My least favorite rocks are the sharp jagged rocks. The pointy ones. The ones that cut at my feet when I walk on them. They are sharp when I pick them up. They are not good for skipping usually. And they look like evil alien spaceship here to destroy us or an astroid on its way to crash into earth.

The biggest difference between these two rocks is sand. The smooth stone was once the rough ugly stone. It was a busted up angular foot killer. I was only with the passage of much water that the foot killer became the perfect skipping stone. There were no shortcuts. There was only a lot of water.

The water flowed over the stone.

Grain by grain, the stone became smooth.

There were no rock gnomes smoothing them one by one.

Only the water.

The persistent water smoothed the stone.

Where are you trying to shortcut the process instead of being patient? Where are the jagged rocks in your life? When are you giving up on the jagged rock instead of celebrating each grain of sand? Who are the smooth stones in your life? Have you told them recently?

Jagged,

–JT

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Manning Inc.

I am assessing my board of directors. The people who are guiding and developing me. The people who are helping me be a better me. The people who are my friends, neighbors, and mentors. The people who shape me.

I’m not assessing them for their quality. I am assessing them for my qualities. I am assessing who I am by looking at the people around me. There are adages about being the “sum” of the people around us or attracting people who are like us. No matter where you fall on these maxims, I know I am influenced by the people around me.

I like these people.

I am like these people.

I want to understand how this affects me and who I am.

I want to know how I am affecting them and who they are.

Who is on your board of directors? What ways are these people influencing you? How are you affecting these people?

Warm Regards,

–JT

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Thought Life

I am an internal processor. I spend quite a bit of time alone with my thoughts trying to make sense of the world, listening to podcasts, reading little articles, and watching the world around me.

One of the unhealthy ways I process is by having conversations with people in my head. Whether it is reliving recent conversations and thinking of other things I should have said or having totally new fictional conversations with someone and totally taking them to task (of course I ‘win’ the conversation, I am in my head.)

I have done this as far back as I can remember. However I recently realized how unhealthy it is. I recently realized how bad it is for me and how much time I have lost just sitting spinning in circles in my head talking over and over. Running through conversations what would have no positive effect on the situation. Ultimately, these conversations only succeed in getting me worked up and mad about the same thing all over again. Then I am in a grumpy mood for little to no reason at all.

The worst of it, I am also missing out on whatever is going on around me. I am so deep inside my head I cannot even see what is going on in front of my face. I am missing out on the life around me because of the bits taking over my mind.

What is an unhealthy way you process your frustrations? How can you process your frustrations in a healthier way? Who can you talk to about your frustrations to help you get past the unhealthy bits?

Thinking,

–JT

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Getting Gremlins Wet

I was cruising Twitter recently and I saw one of the “internet famous” people I follow make a comment to someone else to “F… off”. This, being someone I respect, I looked into the conversation. Knowing some of the details and life experiences of the famous person. I understood why they felt the way they did. However, I was deeply saddened to see what they had done.

I was sad to see them treat someone else like this online.

I was also saddened because he “poured water on his gremlin.”

They amplified the message of the gremlin who was attacking their point of view and their stance. Any time we interact with people who are bringing a contrary drive-by commentary from the other side of a keyboard. We are “getting our gremlins wet.”

[If you are not familiar with the movie, you might consider seeing it (IMDB | Wikipedia); in short, when you get a gremlin wet, it spawns other gremlins.]

When we reply to our gremlins, we are inciting other people to interact with the message of our gremlin. We are inviting other people to see what they are saying. Especially when it is not a message we endorse, we are amplifying their message. When we interact with them, we are making them stronger.

Truly, gremlins have one goal.

Yell louder.

When we interact with them, we amplify their message.

When someone presents a contrary message to what you are presenting, you feel like you just absolutely HAVE to respond, and you are worried they are a gremlin, offer them the opportunity to take the conversation private. Taking the conversation private offers a safe place to have a healthy conversation. Gremlins do not take you up on this offer and they think they can change your opinion 140 characters at a time.

A constructive human being will take you up on your offer to take the conversation private because they generally care about you and want to have a productive dialogue on the topic.

How do you respond when someone attacks you on Facebook? How do you treat people who post about controversial topics online? Are you trying to change people’s opinions and beliefs with strongly worded posts and comments social media?

Staying Dry

–JT

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Grain Formula

I am now one month into this whole fatherhood lifestyle. I am preventing the imminent dad bod. I have relatively successfully transitioned back to work.

With all of the change, it has been a relatively smooth transition. However, it has not been without its fair share of expected difficulties. Really, any time I experience a major life change it has difficulties, both expected and unexpected. These difficulties are what smooth the edges. They smooth me down like a rock in a river bed. It is really quite tedious when you think about it. Each stone is made smooth in the river bed.

The stone is not smoothed out quickly it is very slow.
Ridiculously slow.
Ludicrously slow for some.

The rough stone is made smooth one grain of sand at a time.

One grain of sand at a time.

One
Grain
At
A
Time.

So too, my son is developed one grain of sand at a time. Right now we are in the slow process of helping him develop past screaming every time his primal appetite barks (we have quite a bit of time before this is a reality.) We are in the process of letting each day be more passing water and slowly but surely his rough edges will smooth.

Slowly but surely my rough edges will smooth.

What rough edges are being smoothed out in you? How patient are you with others as they are smoothed out one grain of sand at a time?

Engrained,

–JT

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Insight to Progress

This week is a mixed bag of emotions for everyone. Some people are excited for the new opportunities in their elected candidate. Other people are depressed by their candidate not being elected.

Whether or not your candidate is set to be sworn in next January, remember what they cannot create laws against.

Love. You cannot outlaw love.
Joy. The worst they can do is accuse you of being too nice and friendly.
Peace. How do you respond when they incite you to riot?
Patience. When you do not get your way, will you continue to fight on?
Kindness. The other side of the “aisle” has a different opinion than you. How do you treat them?
Goodness. How does who wants more goodness act in the face of opposition?
Gentleness. A soft touch and a soft heart are appealing and incite progress.
Self-control. Stay focused on your goals, priorities, and ethics. Have any of these since November 7th?

Against these things there is no law. These are the catalysts to growing as a nation.

Will you let the news, politics, and election decide your emotions? Or will you choose your actions intentionally?

Intentionally,
–JT

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Butterfly Actual

The butterfly effect is a termed coined by Edward Lorenz. He was working on some weather models as he was trying to help the world get better at predicting weather patterns (something we would all appreciate.)

He was running a model he had run before but wanted to run it again from the middle of the model as computing power in 1961 was a tad bit slower than it is now. In order to run the model from the middle, he input the data from the previous model’s sheet he had from the previous run through and hit go. He let the machine do the work it needed and probably went to go get some coffee or take a smoke break. Meanwhile, the computer ran the model and spit out the data.

When he returned to the data, it was drastically different from what it was on the previous run through.

The new data was practically based on a completely different set of data points. He assessed and reassessed the data looking for a bug or an error and found one. Edward input one of his data points as ‘.506’ rather than the original data point of ‘.506127’. Quite literally, he rounded. He rounded off three points of data that were completely useless in his mind.

Unfortunately for him, those three points of data created a whole new weather system.
Hence, he revealed his findings to the scientific community. He traveled and spoke on his findings. He began calling it the butterfly effect because you never would have thought something so small like positions 4, 5, and 6 of a decimal point could cause such a huge difference in outcome. He compared it to a butterfly flapping its wings and causing a tornado or a hurricane. In his mind, the significance of those three decimal points were as significant as a butterfly’s wings and he never could have predicted their importance.

He never could have predicted the importance of something so small.

In Lorenz’s mind, the butterfly effect was about how the seemingly mundane results unpredictably in the monolithic.

I never know what detail I might change and what effect it might actually have in my life. I must give even the smallest details significance as they play a part of the whole.

What details do you need to give more significance as they play a part of the whole of your life?

Attributing,
–JT

Don't Stop Believing

I listen to a lot of podcasts about self improvement, self growth, and general social psychology/anthropology. For better or for worse, I listen to it all and have about 3 months worth of backlog I’ve been plowing through (Pokémon Go and PokéWalks have been a huge help.) But most recently I have been noticing a lot of conversations on my podcasts about getting to this goal or that goal or this point or that point and the necessity of getting a certain status/position.

Status and position is wonderful and useful. We need a certain amount of both to pay our bills. We need this position at a company to make enough money to eat, have a home, and occasionally take a vacation. We need this amount of status in order to be taken seriously within a community of people who we support and support us. We need a little bit of both.

However, neither one is the point. The point is the perpetual process of growing and learning. Even when I get to the goal or status or position. I am not done. I am only turning the corner on this leg of the journey. Getting a new job, getting married, having a kid, and graduating college are all turning points in life, not destinations. New cars, houses, couches, boats, lakefront property, are all amenities, not last stops. In life, there are no destinations. There are only turning points, roadside diners, and rest areas.

My journey is not over because I reach a certain point. My journey is turning a corner and preparing me for what comes next. Part of achieving a certain goal is the assumption of liability of what the next leg of the journey carries and assessing the responsibilities of a certain status or position before I set or achieve the next goal.

What goals are you working towards? What problems do you expect these goals to mitigate? What are some of the drawbacks of a new position? What are some of the perks of a new status? What is your assessment rubric for what you really need and want in life?

Journeying,

–JT

TEAM

Team. There is no I in team, but there is a t-e-a-m. As if we’ve always overlooked what team can offer versus what it should not be. Team cannot consist of one person working for their own best. But it should consist of a group of people willing to be committed to a common goal. A team does need trust. We need to be able to rely on one another and after we ask each other for help or to get something done, we need to be able to know it will happen and not have to check, double check, and triple check whether or not it will happen.

A team needs to have a common definition of excellence. What does it look like to succeed? What does the goal look like and where will we not make any sacrifices or compromises? We are working together. We are committed not only to the success of each other but also the success of our collective whole. A team knows what a win looks like and what excellence looks like within the win.

A team should also hold each other accountable. When someone on the team is not measuring up, we call it out and help them see how they can do it better for the sake of the team. It is not a personal attack, it is a minor course correction for a ship or making sure the nuts and bolts are tightened all the way. Accountability is also a celebration of success. It is a calling out of places where a team member and the team have been able to step out and succeed in ordinary and extraordinary circumstances. Being able to have accountability on the team makes excellence that much better and encourages the trust to continue.

Finally, a team needs members. Not warm bodies. Members. People who are sold out and committed to the team. People who are willing to take a hit every once in a while so the team can win. People who are taken care of by the other members when life has them down. Members of a team are sold out and are willing to sign up to be trustworthy. They agree with the common goal of excellence for the team, and they are willing to subject themselves to the accountability of the team and hold others to the standard of excellence the team has agreed to uphold.

Team is much more than a fun word not containing the letter, ‘i’. Team is built on trust, excellence, accountability, and members. T.E.A.M. There is much more to be said on these four elements and these four elements and far more to be said of what makes a team. These are, by far, not even the tip of the iceberg in reference to teams and teamwork. But these are the four elements I have and continue to experience and therefore these are four elements I can account for the value of them.

What team are you on? Which element do you struggle with maintaining? Do you have a clear picture of what excellence looks like for your team? Do you struggle with holding other people accountable (both positive and negative)? Can you trust your teammates? Do they know you trust them? Is someone on your team not a fully committed member? Is it time to help them find a new place to be a member or show them what it means to escalate their commitment and investment to the team as a fully fledged member?

Teammate,

–JT

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Roles

Being in a new role now, I have much to learn. A new team, new responsibilities, and new processes galore. I have so much to learn and it is everything I can do not to go crazy learning it all. It is not so much the process of learning or the learning that is killing me. It is the feeling of being so new. The feeling of being semi inept at everything and relying on everyone around me to bail me out at every turn because of my inexperience. I will get over it. However, I long to never forget what it is like and how it feels to be working through a new role. How there are volumes of information to learn and my only tool for learning them is time.

In the most different of ways, my patience is being tested. My patience with myself is being tested. I usually have no problem being patient with other people. But, now I have to be patient with myself. I have to wait for everything to become engrained in my mind so that I do not forget it. And, in the event I choose not to be patient, I am handicapping myself and making the learning almost impossible because I will be trying to shortcut the process, skip steps, and potentially break something.

Ultimately, I have to be patient or I will not last in what I am doing.
What are you learning? How patient are you being with yourself as you learn it? How patient are you with others who are learning around you?

Patiently,

–JT

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Building Blocks for Life

I love legos for more reasons than I can count. They have some of the best methods around. I am truly impressed by their ability to take bags of plastic and give me the ability to build complex structures using only pictures. They give me the power to reproduce miniaturized versions of my favorite scenes and structures.

And they use no words.

Not even once.

They are cross cultural, international, and multilingual without a single word of translation.

They use pictures to describe how to take thousands of pieces from baggies to buildings.

What in your life are you over-complicating?

Piece-fully,

–JT

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Performance Review

Having gone through the hiring process recently, I had an odd revelation. “If I was my own boss, would I hire me to be me.” It was a question of self reflection. Would I actually hire me to be me or would I pass me over? When it comes to growth/improvement, quality, and consistency, would I hire me to do be me, or would I keep looking for someone else to do the job? It was an odd question, but it really made me step back and take a look at how good of a job I have been doing what I might expect from someone in my stage of life.

Then I rearranged my into a new question, If I were my boss and I was up for a review, what would my review look like? Would it be a good review? Would I be pleased with how I am doing? Would I be succeeding in my role? What would my growth plan look like?

How about you, would you hire you to be you? If you were your boss and you had to create a growth plan for yourself, what would the growth plan look like? What would the deadlines and measurable be? Where are you succeeding? What are the areas you have that might fall into the category of ‘needs improvement’?

Reviewing,

–JT

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Teaching

Teaching is one of the noble careers I appreciate. Natural teachers are some of my favorite people to be around. They are so adept at bringing learning into their whole life and sharing new knowledge with me and everyone around them.

However, I so forget how much it takes to be a teacher. I was trying to document my processes and systems for how I do what I do and I realized how much it really takes to teach. The visuals so people can see things the way I see them. The endless words strewn across pages and pages to describe my actions.

Then, at the end of the day, the people I am trying to teach still have completely different mental filters and life experiences between the two of us getting in the way of our filters and conversations. We have no way to cross these hurtles without standing in the same room together and talking it all through.

I had forgotten how much it really takes to teach people what I was doing. I had also forgotten how much it had taken for me to get to be doing what I do. How many layers of the onion had grown on top of one another to develop into the job I was doing.
It was very humbling to not be able to document the layers of the onion. I did not need to document how or why things had gotten to be they way they are. I only needed to document how to do the what needs to be done. And though, it was important to have a process through which these processes could improve, it was not necessary in least to document the evolution of how things came to be how they are.

I realized the necessity of having things be the way they are is good, but I had too often been trying to protect things and keep them the way they were because of the process to get them to be the way they were and I was not fighting for everything to get better because it needed to be better.

I was trying to protect the inner layers of the onion meanwhile the outermost layer of the onion was rotting away and couldn’t grow or improve.

What are you needlessly fighting to protect? If you were to document how you do what you do, how much time would you have to spend defending the process to get to where you are? Is the process to get to where you are as important as the destination? Where is your pride getting in the way?

Humbly,

–JT

Cranking Away

Given all of the changes and upcoming changes in my life. I am looking at a lot of turbulent times as far as my regular schedule goes. My schedule is actually becoming much more dynamic than it has been. Between my work schedule being variable and then you add a baby into the mix. I hear these babies like schedules but take some time to get into a rhythm and the amount of time it takes is relatively indeterminate.

Knowing these changes are not controllable, I have to pay attention to my priorities. I have to pay attention to the importance of my marriage, my health choices, and relationship choices. It is going to take discipline to maintain some semblance of sanity while I am in the midst of having my world rocked and yet trying to maintain these priorities.

As a matter-of-fact, I believe it is going to take me focusing on discipline to make sure I do not let myself give up my priorities in the midst of the change. All the change is going to test my resolve to whether or not I actually do prioritize these things or if I have only been giving them lip service while things are easy.

What other way do I have to prove how important these things are than when they are tested in the midst of the fire?

What do you prioritize? When was the last time your priorities were tested? Did the testing show your actual priorities to line up with your stated priorities? What needs to change?

Priortizing,

–JT