Surprise, surprise, I am an internal processor. I take information in, I discuss it within myself, then I deliver a reprocessed information to everyone else. However, internal processing has many faces.

Quite literally.

I have many different faces when I am internally processing information. I am asked questions, delivered new facts, or simply talk to someone for a few minutes. I then have to take this information and roll it around in my noggin. I have to reframe it so I can own it. I have to decide whether or not it is accurate based on what I know.

Internally, the cogs are turning and the pistons pumping.

Externally, I am staring off into space or silently mouthing and talking to myself.

When I am internally processing information, I hate looking like I am staring off into space almost as much as I hate the look of me talking to myself. Neither one of these options are a good reflection of what is going on and both of them lead to other people either thinking I am angry or crazy. Generally, I am not angry and I am not so crazy as to constantly be talking to myself, lets be real though, I am a little crazy.

The worst option, when I am internally processing, is me looking completely disinterested in what is going on around me. I lose sensitivity to how I look to everyone around me. I lose

reference for how I am externally being portrayed despite my internal nature.

My disposition in processing has actually lead to many different reactions from many people. Many people have either misinterpreted my external appearance or completely ignored it. I am always surprised when I find out what people think of me processing. I do need to be better at letting people know I am processing when the conversation goes silent…awkwardly silent usually.

How do you process? What does your processing style communicate to those around you?

Processing,

–JT

It is always funny to see how different road blocks pop up in my mind. I’ll be trying to see how different issues I’m working through actually play into different parts of my life such as my marriage or my workplace. And I’ll reach a roadblock I just can’t overcome. I can’t move past it. It just sits in front of me and slows me down, stops me.

I’ll try all sorts of different methods to get past it. I’ll try to just barrel over it as if it doesn’t exist or just sneak around it in some coy thought process. Ultimately, I can’t move past it. Then the unthinkable happens, I sit down with someone who is involved with the roadblock, (ie my wife in relationship with my marriage or a coworker in relationship to my workplace.) And KABLAM, we’ve plowed through the roadblock.

The first roadblock.

The second roadblock.

The third.

The fourth.

We are bounding through roadblocks as if they don’t even matter. Like they were never there. Then, I remember. I remember that I cant work through all of my issues alone. I can change my own behaviors. I can change how I act and interact with people. But I cannot do it alone. Bittersweet, but mostly sweet. I remember I need to be talking to people about what is going on inside as well as outside. What roadblock are you running into? Who could you talk to, to help you through it?

Plowing on,

–JT