Mr. Thinker & Mr. Feeler

The recent personality exploration I’ve gone through have caused me to perform my self analysis with a new lens based on the information I was shown about myself. A piece of this information is how I’m wired in regards to thinking and feeling. I have an ability to think and feel on equal terms. When I make a decision or make a statement, I have to have my thinker come up with a couple options, then my feeler has to verify that I feel good about one or both of these options or revise these options. Then my thinker has to reprocess any changes the feeler made and my feeler has to approve the revisions continue revising. You can see that this process becomes a little tedious. It happens rather quickly considering all the pieces involved. However, it is very slow in comparison to people who are free to make decisions based on one attribute and not two. (I’m painfully aware of how long it takes me to make decisions.)

These pieces get interesting when one of my attributes is malfunctioning. An extreme life event of some sort such as the passing of a loved one. This life event might leave my feeler broken, overwhelmed with emotion, or just shut down and became incapable of processing. Overstimulated. 

So, my thinker stepped up, he said to the feeler, “Don’t worry bro, I got your back. Just sit down and heal up and we’ll pull you back in to the game when you’re better.” Very thoughtful of my thinker to take on the load for a bit. 

My feeler never stepped back up. He never took the reigns again. He was lost in the fray. Hiding. 

Scared.

Hurt.

He was incapacitated. He has been crying out and I haven’t been able to help him. My thinker has been overworking trying to maintain the load and my feeler just keeps feeling worse and worse all the time. My feeler eventually fell to the place where he was suppressed behind my thinker, depressed under the stimuli, and my thinker is angry because nobody is helping him. 

Six months later I’m falling apart because my thinker and my feeler are overwhelmed by it all and they cannot process a dang thing. And now I’m dealing with it. 

I’m looking my feeler in the face, making him process through the life events. I’m easing the load of my thinker. Letting him step down and only take care of the thoughts so my feeler can take care of his load only. 

How do you deal with unexpected stresses? How long do they affect you for?

Who helps you process your stress?

Cope–enhagen, Germany

Copacetic: Adjective, “In excellent order.”

Isn’t it funny that the word cope is almost contained within copacetic? And just looking at ‘copacetic’ and ‘cope’ you’d think they were both just a brother and sister word. Yet, when you visit the authoritative source on all things, you discover, ‘copacetic’ and ‘cope’ are actually unrelated. Now, this is where the conversation about these two words truly becomes scintillating. 

One of my defense mechanisms. 

Over intellectualizing.

I don’t want to admit how I over intellectualize things and think them through 300 different ways and then feel nothing about them. And that is how I ended up down the rabbit hole of copacetic versus cope. 

Another one of my coping mechanisms is shoving, (maybe more accurately, another part of my coping mechanism.) I just take whatever it is that is bugging me and shove it. 

Somebody hurt me?

Shove it.

Displeased with my body, too fat, too skinny!?

Shove it.

I feel insecure because I don’t think I’m smart enough?

Shove it.

My dad left and I’m mad at him because he abandoned me and my mom?

Shoved it.

Shoved it for 7 years.

My dad died and I never properly reconciled with him face to face and now I feel alone in the universe. Lost because I never got a hug from my dad to truly comfort me and make me feel loved and affirmed like only a father can love and affirm his son?

Yup.

Shoved it for a year.

But wait, how can I just shove and intellectualize everything? I have to have an outlet. I have to be able to do something to preoccupy my mind. I can’t just sit at home ignore everything that is boiling under the surface. At some point I’m going to be alone and faced by the truth of what has been shoved and intellectualized into oblivion. 

Final step to my coping mechanism, video games. 

However, this cycle has to stop.

Now I am on the verge of tears as I know I cannot shove big things anymore.

I am trying to learn healthier coping mechanisms. 

I am facing this overpacked suitcase of baggage.

Equipped with a good counselor and an amazing community.

How about you? How have you been coping? 

When are you going to face your baggage? 

Who is going to help you?