In My Head

In my head, I compare myself to other people.

I compare myself to people, and I tell myself they are more fit and athletic than I am.

I compare myself to people, and I tell myself they are smarter than I am.

I compare myself to people, and I tell myself they are more successful than I am.

I compare myself to people, and I tell myself a lie. I tell myself an assumption.

A fictional story about who they are, how they got where they are, and why they are better than I am.

What stories are you telling yourself?

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Expectations

Stress is too common in my life. The stress comes from inside me and outside of me. Sometimes the stress is real and other times the stress if fictional. However, stress still affects steals years of my life far too easily. The worst kind of stress is the kind originating from inside of me. The worst kind of stress is the kind of stress spawning from assumptions I have made about a situation or assumptions I have made about other people.

This stress is built on me assuming it is my responsibility to fulfill the unspoken needs and expectations of other people. But there-in lies the problem. The needs are unspoken and assumed. First, I am making assumptions I know other people as well as I know myself. Second, I am guessing what their expectations are for me, which means I am putting myself into shoes I have never walked in and under hats I have never worn. Third I am then trying to fulfill these imaginary expectations and they have never spoken a word about any of it.

Quite literally, I have started telling complete stories and fictions about what they are thinking about me and what they want from me. All they are doing is trying to have a conversation with me.

It is so funny how quickly it went from trying to have a friendly conversation in a group or one on one, to me being solely responsible for keeping the conversation going. The whole thing ends up with me being underneath a pile of imaginary stresses that all started inside my head and ended by shaving years off my life. How different it could have been if I had stopped, took a deep breath, and asked about the expectations? How different could I be to set said the expectations and focus on the value of the person across from me?
What stresses do you have in your life? Where do they originate from? Have you recently asked others about these stresses? What do they think about your stresses?
Relaxed,
–JT
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Shred of Truth

I tell myself stories all the time. I tell myself stories about to explain companies doing well, explain other people, to explain my reactions, and to explain everything. Many of these stories start with a shred of evidence. I use this shred to dig deeper, find more information, fact find, and fill in the gaps. There are on occasion times I tell myself stories and they are not as filled in as they should be. They might start with a sideways glance, a loaded comment, or an unassuming joke. 

One of these sorts of minor happenings then become my shred of truth. I then use this shred of truth to develop an entire world around this shred of truth. It becomes the lens through which all other truth is filtered. It even tends to create some new truths of its own. The issue being, a shred of truth does not create new truth. 

A shred of truth cannot create new truth.

A shred of truth is not a lens through which I should be filtering life. 

A shred of truth is evidence.

A shred of truth needs other truths to tell a story.

When I use a shred of truth to tell a story, I create a lie. When I use a long series of truths to tell a story, the truth tells the truth. Far too often I sucker myself into telling a story based on a shred. I get too caught up into synthesizing a story to go along with the shred of truth I find. I spend more energy trying to tell a story of lies, than I do finding and listening to the truths.

How often do you stop trying to write the wrong story and instead read the truths of the true story? How are you doing at finding the truth? What story are you telling yourself right now about someone else?

Truth listening,

–JT